A Consciously Forgetful God

I spent the New Year with one of my coursemates from Greece and stumbled back at 4 in the morning. It had been a wonderful night of conversation and games. I was so tired when I got into bed that I didn't set my alarm, planning to go to the evening service instead of the morning one. I asked the Lord to wake me up if He wanted me to go to the morning service.

And I opened my eyes in surprise at 8:30 in the morning, so I went to the morning service.

Because of a phone call from my dad I was rather late in leaving. So hurrying to church I prayed, disbelieving myself: "God, please send someone along in a car to give me a lift to church." Less than 5 minutes later I heard a honk behind me and it was a couple from church who said, "Hop in!" No one had ever before overtaken me and given me a lift to church in all my four months here. So I went to church amazed at all the lengths He had taken to get me there for it on time. And I found out that there had been no evening service planned for that night!

What I had been brought to church especially to hear was this: that He makes all things new. That God's compassions are new every morning, that God is giving us a new heart and a new spirit, and God has made us new creations. We are to forget what's behind and not dwell on the past. In God's mercy, we can leave our mistakes in the past.

I made a big mistake in my second year. All through my third year and even into this year I have been trying to let go of this mistake and to live with its consequences. I was living under the shadow of this mistake I had made and this message touched my heart then. A new year, a new start, a new outlook, a clean slate.

Things started to overwhelm me again yesterday and I cried out to Him: "I wish You could blot out every memory of that sin so many years again and the downward spiral I took then."

But I can.

Where is the proof that You can?

"It is of the LORD's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.They are new every morning: great is His faithfulness." (Lamentations 3:22-23) "'I will frown on you no longer, for I am merciful,' declares the Lord, 'I will not be angry forever.'" (Jeremiah 3:12) "Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as snow." (Isaiah 1:18)

And the key: "Their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more." (Isaiah 43:25)

Do You really not remember it? Can you really not remember the past? Can an all-powerful God, who knows everything, who is capable of doing anything, consciously forget something? He would have to purposely block it out of His memory. How could that be?

I am a perfectionist. But God is not a perfectionist. He is perfectly just, yet also perfectly merciful. How does it make sense? You took the burden of my sin. You took the shame of my guilt so that I would not have to live in shame. Can I really believe that the past is truly past with You? That Your mercies are truly new every morning?

That was why I woke you up early in the morning on New Year's Day.

God does not remember the past! As far as the East is from the West, He has removed my sin from me.

Do I really not have to bear the consequences of my sin, Lord? I find that so hard to believe.

"He was wounded for your transgressions. He was bruised for your iniquities. The chastisement of your peace was upon Him - and by His stripes you are healed."

He bore the consequences of my sin. So I am free. By His stripes I am healed. So something that happened in the past becomes now gloriously present.

So I am really a new creation. And you - you are a new creation too. No matter what has happened in the past, no matter what mistakes you've made - He has blotted them out from His memory. He came on purpose to do that - He lived to die, so that you would not die, but live. Thank God : ) I do believe that He has made all things new. So I will forget the former things and I will not dwell on the past. From this day forth, I believe things are going to be extraordinary.

I Just Want A Relationship!! Don't Hide!!

Recently, a friend did something which she thought might have upset me and for a few days she didn't talk to me because she thought I was angry with her. I could conceivably have gotten angry but I really wasn't, and all I wanted was that our relationship could be put together again. I wanted to laugh with her, wanted to have silly conversations and talk to her whenever I felt like it and spend time together.

I think that waiting for our relationship to get back on track and trying to smoothen it out/ show love for my friend and being so impatient for things to get back to the way they used to be showed me a little about God's love.

God is slow to anger and abounding in love, so why don't we believe it? How come we always come with guilt? Why aren't we confident that He loves us and wants to be with us?

I want to be like a little child and be confident that He wants to speak to me and know what's on my heart. That he wants to laugh with me, talk with me all the time and spend time together with me. And that He just wants our relationship to be back on track all the time. So draw me close. I want to draw close boldly and with a clear heart.

Obedience, Key to Victory

One of the things that struck me recently was this.

I was defeated many times in my struggle against sin because of this reason. It was because my attitude towards sin was more self-centred than God-centred. I was more concerned about my own "victory" over sin than I was about the fact that my sins were grieving the heart of God. I could not tolerate failure in my struggle with sin because I was success-oriented, not because I knew it was offensive to God. Of course, the more I wanted to be "perfect" and to maintain a perfect record, the more I would fall.

Jerry Bridges wrote: "God wants us to walk in obedience, not in victory. Obedience is oriented towards God; victory is oriented towards self... there is a subtle, self-centred attitude at the root of many of our difficulties with sin. Until we face this attitude and deal with it, we will not consistently walk in holiness."

Since I realised this, the struggle has lessened quite abit. I realised that my sin is not "making me imperfect" but is really hurting God. I realised that I need not so much to live in victory but to live in obedience. I can never earn God's favour, but I need to draw close to Him and obey Him.

I feel more relieved now, thankful that I can be honest with Him about my hopes and fears and my struggles. I'm thankful that I can place it all in His hands and say, "I'm quite hopeless... please do something." Especially about my attitudes.

This I claim as my hope:

"Then will I sprinkle clean water upon you, and ye shall be clean: from all your filthiness, and from all your idols, will I cleanse you.

A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh.

And I will put my spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes, and ye shall keep my judgments, and do them." (Ezekiel 36:25-27)

Let me walk in obedience this New Year...