Eyewitness

I haven't studied my Bible for a long time. A quick read through a Psalm in the morning, noting down of key verses, and then prayer and a mad scramble off to the library. My diary is full of haphazard Bible verses scribbled here and there as they strike me. But no solid deep down study.

And today after preparing for Bible study tomorrow, I am left sleepless as I realise the great perspective of things, and too overwhelmed to sleep. I am also left a bit trembly... How amazing the Bible is and how amazed I am when I study it.

Bible study tomorrow is 1 Peter 5:1-11, Peter writing to the elders and the young men of the suffering Christian church. The first thing he wrote was, "to the elders among you, I appeal as a fellow elder..." this wasn't very typical of Peter. Calling himself a "fellow elder" was enormous humility for Peter who could have said "as your leader" or "as an apostle"...

To the elders among you, I appeal as a fellow-elder, a witness of Christ's sufferings and one who also will share in the glory to be revealed.

Humility and Peter don't seem to go together. He was the one who cut Malphus' ear off when Jesus was taken to be crucified. He was the one who said to Jesus, "You shall never wash my feet!" He was always the first to say something or to ask something - "Let us put up shelters - one for You, one for Moses, and one for Elijah!"

But something changed Peter to allow him to have that kind of humility that he could call himself a "fellow elder". The answer is in the second phrase he uses to describe himself - "a witness of Christ's sufferings".

To the elders among you, I appeal as a fellow-elder, a witness of Christ's sufferings and one who also will share in the glory to be revealed.

How was Peter a witness of Christ's sufferings? Where was he during Christ's suffering on the cross? He was following at a distance. He was warming himself by the fire together with the men who had taken Jesus away. He was denying his Christ, his friend, not 1 time but 3. He was weeping outside in the courtyard when Jesus looked at him. And was he at the cross? Jesus' mother, His mother's sister, Mary Magdalene and John were at the cross. Peter is not mentioned.

Being a witness of Christ's sufferings and not being able to bear the sight of his dearest friend being mocked and humiliated changed Peter and gave him the humility to be able to call himself a "fellow-elder" of the other church leaders who hadn't been with Jesus through his time on earth like Peter had.

And now, Peter says,

Be shepherds of God's flock that is under your care... being examples to the flock... and when the chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away.

This image of the shepherd wasn't originally from Peter. It wasn't something Peter came up with but it was something that was special to him and ingrained deeply on his heart. It was when Jesus had risen from the dead, appeared to him and the rest and convinced them he wasn't a ghost, gave him his last catch of fish before He went home, and caused him to jump into the water as soon as John said, "It is the Lord!" - Peter immediately wrapped his outer garment about him and jumped into the water, leaving the boat far behind. That was when Peter first learnt about what Jesus would have him do.

Impetuous Peter, whom the Lord loved and knew deeply.

He first heard that day, and he heard thrice that day, "Feed my sheep". Having been an eyewitness that day, it was impressed so deeply on him that he wrote the same to the elders of the suffering church.

Be shepherds of God's flock that is under your care... being examples to the flock... and when the chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away.

Feed my sheep.

They're the words of someone who's "been there" - someone who's been an eyewitness. And because he was an eyewitness his life and heart were changed and he was never the same again.

To him, it was ludicrous to serve for men's approval because you will never know what men will think of you, and never will everyone approve of you. It was equally ridiculous to serve for God's approval as he knew God already loved him infinitely - He couldn't love him any more than he already did. All he knew was that he had been an eyewitness and he had to point people to the one he had seen and the one he had been with, the one he had known.

Peter wrote this during the time of Nero, when the Christians were suffering terrible persecution. Nero was a crazy mad emperor who used Christians as human torches to light his garden. My mind simply boggles at how uncertain life was back then. Eventually Peter was crucified under the rule of this same emperor. And yet he wrote of trust, and yet he wrote that

the God of all grace... after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong.

How could he say that such terrible suffering as he had seen and would himself experience was just for "a little while"? I think the answer was also because he had been an eyewitness to Christ's suffering, which exceeds human imagination or even depiction, so that many are forced to turn away and stop themselves from even thinking about it. He had been an eyewitness when Christ was taken up to heaven, so that he could see everything in the light of eternity and say that this suffering was only for "a little while" compared to the infinity of time spent with Christ in eternity.

Suffering is expected as a Christian. Sooner or later, it will come. How can we bear it? How are we going to be able to bear all sorts of persecution and sorrow? We can only bear it if we have been eyewitnesses - if we know Him as our friend, if we know His power changing our lives daily, if we don't just go through our Christian routine everyday but know Him - know Him deeply as the beautiful, humourous, imaginative, creative, merciful, humble God that He is.

I must be an eyewitness. I cannot serve Him otherwise. I can't go on otherwise even. Whatever lies ahead, I only know one thing - that I can do anything as long as You are beside me. I can go anywhere when Your presence goes with me. And I can only follow You when I see You and know You. Let me be an eyewitness. Although I am afraid, although I am overwhelmed, let me be an eyewitness.